Pansexual Model, Actor Cara Delevingne Opens Up about 'Homophobic,' 'Suicidal' Younger Days

British model and actor Cara Delevingne opened up on a recent podcast about having been "homophobic" and "suicidal" before she came out as pansexual,Buzzfeed reports.

In the interview on the podcast Goop, Delevinge, star of the Amazon fantasy series "Carnival Row," recalled being raised in "an old-fashioned household" and said she "didn't know anyone who was gay," the Buzzfeed article said.

"I wasn't knowledgeable of the fact I was homophobic," Delevigne told host Gwyneth Paltrow, before going on to say that she had been "disgusted" by the idea of having a same-sex partner.

"I was like, 'Oh my God, I would never, that's disgusting, ugh,' " she said.

As she became more aware of her own authentic self, she began to suffer from the gap between whom she really was and the anti-LGBTQ attitudes that had been instilled in her, People Magazine reported.

the 28-year-old Delevigne told Paltrow when she was younger, she was "always trying to make people happy" and "find a sense of belonging," before eventually going on to say, "I do correlate the massive depression and the suicidal moments of my life" to her pansexuality, "because I was so ashamed of ever being that."

It's a struggle she hasn't yet won, the actor added, disclosing that, "There is still a part of me where I'm like, 'Oh, I wish I could just be straight.'

"There is still that side to it. It is really complicated."

Delevigne spoke to the joys of embracing her authentic self, Buzzfeed reported. "I love being a woman and dressing up and doing all that," she shared, "I also love being a rough-and-tumble 'man.' "

She went on to note, "I feel so much more comfortable in the fluidity of what it is to be just a human and to be an animal, almost, because that's what we are. To trust in your own instincts."

Asked by Paltrow about the responsibility she feels toward younger people who look up to her as a role model, Delevigne opined that "being authentic, it's quite a hard thing, especially now, in this day and age.... I feel like it's my responsibility to work on myself and to be better for myself, to be able to help other people. Before, I was trying to help other people, but actually I was destroying myself in the process."

Still, she said, since her youth she had felt it was her "responsibility... to kind of see how the world was, and to somehow leave it better," a task she linked to "the LGBTQ community and being a queer person, which," she added, "always changes in terms of my sexuality... so it's always quite fun. Or quite stressful - I can't decide."